Why Men Shouldn’t Get Dating Advice From Women

I'll polish this up in July

I keep seeing lots of articles written by women, which state that men should get dating advice from women. As women don’t have monolithic opinions, or I so hope so to make my life easier to write this, I’ll then classify the group into subsets.

  • Female pick up artists, who refrain from using terminology and beliefs that the PUA within the manosphere does (eg. Keysia Noble)
  • Feminists who claim that teenage boys and men are lonely, isolated and badly socialised, who say that men should practise their social skills
  • Feminists who look at intergender dynamics making men stoic and socially awkward, as a byproduct of a heteronormative society, where concepts such as “unpaid labour” is used in Britain, or as American CEO of Bumble uses, “romance gap”. Indians however use the FLEEC acronym (free labour of entertainment education and care)

I will be adding sources for the above list, later on.

Now when it comes to pick up artists, you have to be more specific as to what the social grievance they are lamenting, is.

  • Feminists who say that PUA is bad for being manipulative as it’s tricking women.
  • There is the old argument of PUA being about reducing women’s self esteem, when criticising the outdated PUA’s of Neil Strauss, Mystery and __, of which Tucker Max based his ideas on before he sold out. However that comes at a time before the triple combination of social networks (ie. facebook), smartphones (ie. iphone) and online dating (it used to carry social stigma for losers to make someone a laughing stock) – so all those arguments don’t apply today as the nature of post-iphone style PUA, has evolved and superseded the old philosophy. Time’s moved on.
  • Feminists who say that PUA is bad for teaching teenagers and young adults, toxic and harmful beliefs about women. as well as inadvertently hurting themselves in the process
  • Feminists who believe that within the information war or the infodemic, that in order to fill an emotional vacuum where men with an identity crisis and a lack of a meaningful social role, lack role models and __, that they must start also giving teenage boys and young men advice themselves. (ie. The Good Men Project, r/menslib)

Now that the cultural backdrop is set, now to start making my point.

Forget that outdated and antiquated 90s advice

But that 1990s stuff about

  1. The 3 day rule. Wait 3 days after the first date before calling them back
  2. Treat them mean to keep them keen. He who cares the least, controls the most.
  3. Men playing hard to get
  4. A man giving two thirds of what a woman gives, in what’s called the two thirds rule
  5. Mentioning other women or flirting with other women to make the woman of your desire, jealous
  6. Using the silent treatment as a way to resolve conflicts and modify women’s bad behaviour, where someone has to be reprimanded or punished, instead of talking it out in a confrontation, or even a quick implicit hint as a passing comment in the midst of a conversation about a completely different topic
  7. And more….

That doesn’t work any more as due to smartphones, online dating and the flood of friend requests women get from strangers on Facebook, women nowadays get more attention that Marilyn Monroe got in the ways of black and white movies.

Now whether it’s the wrong sort of attention is a completely different thing altogether. But it’s just that those 1990s style “hard to get” and guarded, nonchalant and aloof nature, it just wouldn’t work today.

Stop blaming men for hookup culture debasing relationships and marriage

I can explain this in two sentences

  • Polyamory Without Polyamorous Women Is Like Playing Monopoly Without The Banker
  • Casual Sex Without Casual-Centric Women Is Like Playing Monopoly Without The Banker

It doesn’t matter how many men you add to the situation, the game isn’t going to start any quicker, unless you have a woman (the banker) join who is already receptive to it.

So no, stop blaming men for hookup culture and relationships apparently causing the debasing and decline of serious relationships and marriage. The casual relationships which you speak of, along with hookup culture, can only happen if women want it to happen, as it’s women who are holding the cards.

Some people even blame men for why marriage has dramatically declined. No, stop blaming men for that, blame the women, as on the macro scale (not micro), the relationship of any type, it can only happen if the women wants it to happen.

So no, blaming men for the debasing and decline of serious relationships and marriage, it doesn’t make any sense.

Masculinity Is Earnt But Femininity Is A Birthright

Here’s why men should never ask women for dating advice.
Because masculinity is earnt and feminity is a birthright

What does a man have to do to be considered a masculine man?

Be funny/intelligent/educated/have their own place/have a car/have a wide social circle/have funny quips and anecdotes/etc

What does a woman have to do to be considered a feminine woman?
Nothing. All she has to do is walk into the room.

Performative Socialising Drastically Varies

So when it comes to any social environment where a newbie is expected to make friends where there is any level of social hierarchy, reputational scoring, cliques or social proof, then as women are more passive and are socialised not to initiate, they’ll be approached without having to initiate with anyone. But nobody will approach the man.

The burden of committing the social performance, to be funny/interesting/good at reading people/good foresight/diplomatic/harmonising people’s differences/accomodative towards people’s insecurities ….etc….etc

That burden falls on the man.

So when a man asks a woman for dating advice, the woman will over-estimate the amount of social performance that she’s done in her entire life, while under-estimating the amount of social performance that a man has done in his entire life.

So that’s why women ALWAYS give men bad dating advice. And that’s where female solipsism comes from.

Those people on r/womendatingstrategy are ignorant, idealistic, and loopy. Loopy logic, it’s not just patchy but also contradictory, circular reasoning and imbalanced weighting of supposed comparative transgressions. Well they’ve now moved to their own website due to too many men making false flag attacks on their subreddit.

When Comparing Invalidates Merits, The Ruler Is A Protractor

fill this in later

Preposition being presumably a pre-emptive occurence

  1. People are often under-signalling what they want. People will often claim they want something, whilst actually wanting more than what they said they want.
  2. Sometimes people want and prefer the frilly mystique about something, rather than it based on its own merits.
  3. Sometimes people often interpret, when someone else speaks, that a preposition is presumably also a pre-emptive occurrence, falsely or not.

#1 Social Proof or Preselection

1) Social proof or preselection works really well with women, in a way that doing the exact same thing makes you more desirable, just because you have social proof. In this instance, a woman is more likely to fancy a man if she knows that another woman (within the same vicinity) fancies him too.

Women are more likely to do it than men because women tend to have lower self esteem compared to men and because women tend to judge people in a more relative manner whilst men tend to be more objective.

With that said, it’s much more likely for a man to get laid in a nightclub, as a single male, if he’s wearing a wedding ring than if he doesn’t wear one, as the visible indicator of pre-selection will definitely increase his chances with women.

#2 Women are constantly adjusting their baseline

Women are constantly adjusting their baseline standard, as according to what is around them, so their baseline will be constantly fluctuating up and down, to make the most common occurence become the baseline metric, like when you are baking a cake and weighing flour on the scales and you press “zero” to subtract the weight of the bowl from the total weight.

2) Women are constantly adjusting their baseline, for their standards, as according to their current environment. If every man in the world was magically made 6 inches taller, then women would then newly consider a 6″0 man as short. If you are in an environment that is mostly women and relatively low men, then women will LOWER their standards, for as long as they are in that environment. In this instance, it’s easier to chat up women at a mediation class than a (mostly male) Lego Mindstorms Robot club or an environmentalism club.

#3 Women are under-signalling what they want, thrice

3a) Women always claim they want a certain type of man, then they’ll go for someone who is the COMPLETE opposite. Don’t watch what women say, watch what women do. Women don’t know what they want.

3b) Women complain about men not communicating directly with their words, dodging questions they’re asked, or using pretentious psychopomous language, while they complain about a stoic and bravado gender role induced, “romance gap”, while at the same time, if men spoke to women as if they were foreign english speakers, whose first language wasn’t english, so they’d have to dumb down and simplify their language for them into plain english. those very same women, would lose attraction to those men and be repulsed by it.

To summarise about 3b) If men who are native english speakers, spoke to women, the same way they spoke to foreign english speakers, relationships between men and women would not be formed and pair bonding would be severely hindered. More about this later on (see the constructing a joke for humour part).

3c) Women like men who have a bit of mystery about them, the visage of mystique has to be kept alive. No matter how much you give a woman, she will always want more. So for that reason, it is better to give a woman 90% every day then 100% some of the days, than to give her 100% every day for her to then get bored and complacently rehashed to death.

I think that it’s better for a man to give 90% to a woman every day then 100% occasionally than for a man to give a woman 100% every day. Because no matter how much you give a woman, they will always want more, so it’s best hold back a tiny bit, so she’ll never think you have no more left to offer and then get bored of you.

Women like people with a bit of mystery about them, if you give everything away too soon or too regularly, they’ll soon get bored.

#4 Constant rejection for a man, makes women fancy him less

If a man is asking out every woman in the room/class or is asking out too many women too soon, predictably so, the man will be rejected by most of the women. But the man has inadvertently made himself less desirable to women, as women view a man who is rejected often, to be compoundingly low value in addition to their previous opinion of him. So for a man to increase his chances of attracting women, the best strategy is to refuse asking out every woman and stop taking risky bets, as because women value pre-selection (point 1), the reverse is also true, that they are disgusted by men who they know rumours of them being rejected all the time, as women over-estimate the amount of alpha males and how often beta males get rejected (even with a mating dance called “the chase” beforehand).

#5 Beta males should not buy women a ferrari, only alpha males can

The best example, is if a 10/10 woman is dating a 4/10 man. If the man buys her a Ferrari, she’ll be more likely to leave him, than if he brought her a BMW, as her logic will counter-intuitively think “If this low value man can give me so much when he has a lot of faults and shortcomings, just imagine how much I could get from a man who is a 8/9/10 out of 10?”

If the woman is a 4/10 or 6/10, she’ll be more likely to think that way but even more extreme, as she’ll think her value was previously too low to be afforded such luxuries, so if she can be given the Red Carpet Treatment like some person in an ivory tower eating gold plated sushi, as a 4-6 out of 10, then just imagine what she could get somewhere else if she got a boyfriend who was more than her lousy boyfriend, as she’ll think that someone of her newfound immense worth, that she’s selling herself short.

Witholding things is part of challenging them, is it not?

Like basically along the lines of “make her work to get it”

The answer for that question, would vary depending on whether you live in Britain or America. According to Americans who visit the UK, the british don’t really have a dating culture, as in America it’s like a Starbucks stamp book where for every nine coffees you get, you get the tenth for free, where you date really soon and quickly without much hesitation – whereas in Britain it’s all about the chase. Some people call “the chase”, “hard to get” but the latter seems more cunning, whereas the chase doesn’t have such a socially prescribed role of heteronormative hierarchies from gender roles, to the same extent. It’s long to explain.

There’s a PUA theory that got created after men started watching YouTube videos where men surprised their partners by buying their woman an expensive car then uploading her reaction to YouTube.

They noticed that the man buying the VERY expensive car, had ruined their relationship, as the woman began to think ”If I can get a car this expensive for a man who isn’t very attractive and doesn’t have a very high social skills or very appealing personality, then just imagine what I can get somewhere else, if a man of such RELATIVELY low quality, can give me all of this?”

Then even if the woman remains committed and doesn’t have an affair, she’ll start doing low level behaviour like flirting with other men, going out partying or spending less time with her man.

For a lot of women, receiving male validation is worth MUCH more to them, then the act of actually having an affair.

#6 Men whose first response is to follow their visceral instinct by assaulting the male instead of verbally lecturing their girlfriend, when she has an affair, is lowly beta male desperation – who just killed two years of chemistry in two minutes


To all “social constructionist” detractors who claim that men and women are both equally desiring and receptive to the same things, within dating, the disparity in eating disorders and body dysmorphia, will prove my point

I’ve spent enough hours writing this article as it is.

Maybe just maybe, gender is not as much of a social construct, as you think it is.

Conclusion

C1: Men know that women contradict themselves, when women don’t

You know say!

C2: Women tend to judge men (and themselves) on a relative basis, rather than judging solely based on its own merits

In more ways than one!

I’ll then expand this even further, if you want to accuse me of calling women hypergamous (attracted by status). Well about the alpha male and beta male dichotomy, it’s not just a binary option, as the beta male would then be split into four (or maybe five) different strata.

  1. Able to get women’s phone numbers on the street (illegal in France and de facto quasi-illegal in the UK nowadays due to Hollaback and Collective Shout)
  2. Able to get matches and dates from online dating websites
  3. Able to get laid in open-air environments, that anyone can freely enter or leave
  4. Able to get laid in closed-box environments, that have restrictions or scarcity of knowledge, so people cannot or probably wouldn’t freely enter or leave
  5. Able to get laid in tight knit communities where everyone knows each other, like some Welsh village

As women are both unaware of their own hypergamy, that they constantly adjust their baseline within the same exact week and that they over-estimate how many times as a woman they’ve done a social performance when outside, whilst under-estimating the amount of times men did so. Therefore they inevitably will under-estimate the amount of beta males and will hence over-estimate the amount of ease that a seemingly attractive man could get laid. No feminists (who want to provide a better role model for teenage boys than Andrew Tate), it’s not just alpha male and beta male, it’s alpha male and five different strata of beta males.

Try factoring that into the advice you give them, as I expect it’s the first time they’ve ever heard such a thing in their life. Something like “just get off the internet and meet women in the real world where they aren’t flooded with hundreds of messages”, that is an excessive reductionism of the predicament men face, as the beta male is put into one strata, much unlike the strata for alpha males which is just one, a monolithic one.

C3: Women over-estimate the amount of social performance they’ve done, then under-estimating the amount a man has done

This goes without saying! But I notice that there are similarities within

Whitney Wolfe Herd, a feminist, she doesn’t understand that men can’t seduce women in an english country, in the same way they would a foreign english speaker from Brazil

Could a person with british or american nationality, whose first and only language is english, as a heterosexual man, seduce a woman from the same country, in the same way they could someone who’s a foreign english speaker from Brazil, whose first language is spanish or portugese?

That’s all you need to know!

Press articles about the Romance Gap, sparked and coined by Bumble

Bumble | #JustGoForIt

And elsewhere

This article is long enough as it is, so I’ll be posting my partial refutal in some other articles. I just see one glaring flaw of the lamenting type, not the empowering type. Although increased equality and an end of gender roles, is a good thing, by eliminating those social pressures and prescribed behaviour, I do see some repercussions which seem overlooked, which to me, are worth bringing up.

It wasn’t enough for there to be a Romance Gap campaign but also a Date Honestly campaign

I have nothing against such two campaigns per se (latin for its own seperate entity) but Whitney fails to consider two things, for no fault of her own.

  • Women have a dual mating strategy.
  • Women over-estimate the amount of social performance they did whilst under-estimating the amount of social performance a man did, which is why women give bad dating advice (to men).
  • Women are often under-signalling (or under-pitching) what they want, where they either want something completely different or in greater quantity, than what they said they wanted. This makes it hard for men to take women’s self-declared desires and hints at face value. I cover this in a later article, of three parts. And it’s an even longer article than my typical 2000-3000 words! Much more so! In case you’re wondering, Part 2 and 3 are links just above.

‘Date Honestly’ Campaign

3b) Women complain about men not communicating directly with their words, dodging questions they’re asked, or using pretentious psychopomous language, while they complain about a stoic and bravado gender role induced, “romance gap”, while at the same time, if men spoke to women as if they were foreign english speakers, whose first language wasn’t english, so they’d have to dumb down and simplify their language for them into plain english. those very same women, would lose attraction to those men and be repulsed by it.

To summarise about 3b)
If men who are native English speakers, spoke to women, the same way they spoke to foreign English speakers, relationships between men and women would not be formed and pair bonding would be severely hindered.

But…but…but….men and women’s behaviour and desires within dating and pally friendship interaction, it isn’t that much different than is for men, that you’re making it out to be.

I disagree. Read this article to see why.

No, men aren’t looking into things to much or being too analytical

If you think that they are, try getting a second opinion from someone else, preferably someone who is a beta male, you know, someone who hasn’t got a revolving door of women who can just easily enter a new relationship within 2-6 months after their previous relationship ends.

It’s easy to have your blinkers on, about the things you don’t have to worry about. The guardrails aren’t there for everyone if you trip up.

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