#metoo Has Changed The Way Men Interact With Women
For as long as women have been around, they have always faced oppression and repression in society, and the feminist movement is designed to change that. The biggest problem with the feminist movement, is that anyone and everyone can call themselves a feminist, and that there are lots of different types of feminists, so nobody knows what to think any more! While the vast majority of people would agree that they believe in equality of women, what most people don’t agree on, is exactly how to achieve that for women, and what sociological lens they use to analyse society in the macro and micro level.
Feminists like Kate Nash, say that feminism shouldn’t be a dirty word. Why is it considered so? I think that has a lot to do with how some people believe equality to mean “equality of opportunity”, and others for it to mean “equality of outcome”. For example, if you ask me, I believe in equality of opportunity. When asked about how to put more women into STEM, my answer would be to “simply let the young girls in school choose what they want to do without any barriers or discouragement”. If you ask the “equality of outcome” types how to achieve that and reduce the gender disparity in STEM, their answer is to “have affirmative action and STEM programs for young girls and women in education, exclusively designed for women”. Both solutions look good on the surface, but the former is happy with women being under-represented due to the fact of women’s choices, and the other is saddended by what they perceive to be a patriarchy, which forces women into lower paying roles.
Whether you believe gender is a social construct or not, the fact of the matter is, that the “nature vs nurture debate” and the “equality of opportunity vs equality of outcome debate”, are both debates that will wage themselves so heatedly, until the end of time.
The origins of the #metoo movement
To bring about change, you either need the support of the people, or you need to enrage the people – or maybe a bit of both! When negative behaviours are so prevalent that they are systemic, the government does what they always do, bring out a PSA. That stands for Public Service Announcement, adverts made by the government designed to modify people’s behaviour, like the “don’t die of ignorance” AIDS adverts in the 80s, the Change4Life adverts of the 00’s, and the “don’t commit hate crime” adverts we have today. If you don’t have the support of the government to bring about the change you want in society, you instead need the support of the people. As Andrew Breitbart, founder of Breitbart said, “politics is downstream from culture”. What he meant was, if you can change the culture, you can change the politics. And this is something that feminists know, all too well.
The #metoo movement, a campaign against rape and sexual harassment, can be traced back to its origins in 2006, when Tarana Burke used the hashtag on MySpace. It only gained widespread exposure, when famous actress Alyssa Milano made one tweet about it, asking people to reply if they faced any of that behaviour. The hashtag got 1.7million tweets!
Women who are not as influential as Alyssa is, used the hashtag to inject their own social commentary and PSA’s for the public to read and follow. However the thing with the #metoo movement, as with all movements humanity has ever encountered and will encounter, is that the “stated goals” of the movement, and the “social implications” of the movement, are as one can predict, unpredictable, far reaching, and surprising.
People can use their past experiences and the things they’ve seen or heard, to gather what sort of things are acceptable to do, and what’s not. Also based on that sixth sense, we can use that to deduct what other things are not acceptable, even if we can’t recall what happened when someone did it. It should be of no wonder, that the #metoo movement did do something to modify men’s behaviour, even if it didn’t give women the freedom and results that they really wanted.
Nobody tells men what to do in life
To live the life as a male, is to live a life where no one is going to moan at you for following your dreams, you won’t be harassed walking down the street, no one is going to approach you with the most transparent words under false pretenses. Also people listen to you and when you want to relax, you can have some peace knowing that there won’t be someone coming out of the woodworks to harass you for the 9000th time.
In life, you take the good with the bad. You can be privileged in some ways, and underprivileged in other ways. Privilege is multidimensional. It is not simply enough to state that because one is male or female, that they are automatically granted a better life than the opposite sex. I think if we all come to think about it, most of us have done things, that most people have never done. And everyone has a worldview that is unique to them, as people gain their worldview based on their lived experience, not some advert, tv show, movie or blog article.
Why in 2019, are the people with the most freedoms, the most offended generation of all? Is it due to the breakdown of the family unit, the drastic rise in depression amongst the youth, misogyny and misandry, or technology replacing face to face interaction? Whatever the reason is, people have had enough with being made to feel that they are second class citizens. So much so, that not only due we have things like insults, rude behaviour and crime. But now we also have a thing called microaggressions and harassment. If you don’t like someone, there is now a proper way to say so, and if you are rejected, there is an appropriate response. If you are unhappy with the way someone is treating you, you are meant to respectfully say why, without resorting to insults. If you don’t like something you see, you are supposed to hold your tongue, or respectfully say why you disagree. One wrong move, and you’ve committed a grave crime of which the appropriate punishment is the death sentence. Whatever the reason is, people have had enough with being made to feel that they are second class citizens.
Feminist Theresa May introducing new laws to stop domestic abuse
When I was a child, there was no laws against domestic abuse. Parents could abuse their children outside the scope of physically hitting them, and the same goes for men being abusive to their women. That’s something she’s trying to put and end to by making coercive and controlling behaviour in a relationship now a crime, along with a Domestic Abuse Bill. This should hopefully cause a decline in the epidemic of domestic abuse. Another thing Theresa May wants to introduce is relationships education in schools, and mental health education in schools.
There are men who enjoy harassing or trolling women
There is a distinction to be made from harassment and trolling. Harassment is behaviour or attitudes that make people feel humiliated, harassed or discriminated – and there does not have to be a prior warning or refusal of such behaviour or attitudes before it occurs. However trolling is someone who either does behaviour as a prank on someone, or when someone makes it their best intention to get on the nerves of as many people as possible. In some cities, such behaviour is being seen by police as a hate crime.
In the UK you can go to prison for to prison for trolling. Section 23 of the Communications Act makes it illegal to send someone offensive messages. Also under the Malicious Communication Act 1998, it is an offence to send an indecent, offensive or threatening letter, electronic communication or other article to another person and under Section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 it is a similar offence to send a telephone message that is indecent, offensive or threatening.
Gerard Traynor was arrested in January after posting a string of racist messages to the MP’s Facebook page. On Friday he was jailed for 22 months at Manchester crown court after admitting to sending offensive messages between October and December 2018.
The 53-year-old, who was born in Dublin, also trolled the DUP leader, Arlene Foster, with a series of rambling, hate-filled Facebook posts that included graphic threats and offensive language against Protestants, Muslims and Jews.
In a statement to police, Patel said: “I converse with the public on a daily basis this can provoke debate and I am faced with criticism. This incident has taken acceptable behaviour to serious criminality, the content was shocking and disgusting in its nature and the messages were racist, grossly offensive, hugely upsetting and caused me to feel intimidated.
“It had a huge impact on both my personal and professional life, I am a lot more wary of my surroundings when I am in public.”Source: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/26/racist-facebook-troll-jailed-for-abuse-of-female-politicians-gerard-traynor
In the UK you can also go to prison for catcalling or cold approaching women.
A “predatory” pick-up artist who posted footage of his victims online has been convicted of threatening and abusive behaviour.
Adnan Ahmed – who called himself Addy A-game – was found guilty of five charges at Glasgow Sheriff Court.
Police began an investigation after his behaviour was revealed by the BBC’s The Social earlier this year.
Ahmed, 38, had secretly filmed himself approaching dozens of women in Glasgow and in Eastern Europe.
The BBC investigation revealed how he had posted footage of the encounters on his YouTube channel, including audio recorded during sex.
Ahmed described himself a dating and lifestyle coach, and insisted that what he did was “educational”.
But a number of women gave evidence during the trial that they had been upset and intimidated by his approaches.
Remanding him in custody pending sentence, Sheriff Lindsay Wood said: “These convictions were a course of criminal contact involving young girls who were affected in a variety of ways.
After the verdict was announced, Police Scotland’s senior investigating officer on the case praised Ahmed’s victims for coming forward.
Det Insp Mark McLennan said: “The women Ahmed approached were subjected to harassment and were frightened by his unwanted attention.
“I want to pay tribute to the courage of these women in coming forward and giving evidence in order to bring Ahmed to justice, particularly as he appears to have expected them to tolerate his unwarranted and unwelcome behaviour.
“People need to realise they cannot expect their behaviour to be tolerated if it is causing offence and upset.
“I would encourage anyone who has been subjected to this type of behaviour to contact police and report it to Police Scotland.”
PRS For Music has a code of conduct
Our Code of Conduct also sets out the standards of behaviour that PRS for Music and its employees expect of members: members are required not to behave in a rude or unpleasant way to employees or make unreasonable demands of their time.
The vast majority of our members communicate with us in a polite and courteous manner, but unfortunately, there are occasions when the manner in which a member interacts with one or more of our employees or the nature of that interaction is unacceptable. This Policy sets out how PRS for Music will deal with such unacceptable conduct.
1.3 In this Policy, references to “Member” include references to an individual Member dealing with us personally or through another individual authorised to act for that Member in a representative capacity. Where the misconduct is that of an individual acting in a representative capacity, the Member will be considered responsible for the conduct of that individual.
What constitutes “unacceptable behaviour”
2.1 Each of our Members has a right to be listened to and understood and to have reasonable and legitimate queries and enquiries to be investigated and addressed.
We do not view behaviour as unacceptable just because a Member is assertive, forceful or determined in pursuing a reasonable enquiry of PRS for Music or because they have threatened to make a complaint through proper procedures or are pursuing that complaint.
2.2 However, our employees have a right to be treated fairly and courteously by the individuals they deal with and we expect our members to treat them with courtesy and respect. Our employees have the right to work in a safe environment, free from any abuse or harm caused by others. PRS for Music owes a duty of care to its employees to ensure that they are not subject to abusive or threatening behaviour.
2.3 PRS for Music only considers behaviour unacceptable, if in its reasonable opinion,
the member’s behaviour –
• is aggressive, abusive or offensive (see 2.3.1); and/or
• amounts to an unreasonable demand of the employee and/or unreasonable
level of contact (see 2.3.2).
2.3.1 Aggressive or abusive behaviour
Aggressive or abusive behaviour includes language (whether verbal or
written) that may cause employees to feel afraid, threatened or abused,
• verbal abuse;
• derogatory remarks;
• obscene or offensive language or images;
• inflammatory statements;
• discriminatory remarks; or
• unsubstantiated allegations.
This will apply whether such communications are made to the employee[s] directly
or indirectly including online trolling
2.3.2 Unreasonable demands and unreasonable levels of contact:
Unreasonable demands and contact include: –
• making or sending an excessive number of phone calls, emails or letters
about the same matter without presenting any new or relevant information;
• demanding responses within an unreasonable timescale;
• unreasonably refusing to accept explanations or to comply with reasonable
requests for information. This includes insisting on and pursuing complaints
and enquiries through channels other than those established by PRS for
Music for that purpose; refusing to comply with reasonable requests for
information to enable PRS for Music to respond to or investigate your query
whilst demanding that the query be resolved;
• raising queries in bad faith or mischievously;
• insisting on speaking to certain employees who are not involved in the
subject-matter of your query or complaint or authorised to deal with it;
• contacting multiple employees about the same query rather than pursuing
enquiries through channels established and published by PRS for Music for
• repeatedly contacting an employee where reasonably requested by that
employee or their manager not to do so. This may include contacting
employees regarding matters that are not within PRS for Music business.
Social media now has a code of conduct
Below is taken from the British government website.
The 10 Downing Street Facebook page is reactively moderated. We can’t accept responsibility for the content of any comment.
We reserve the right to remove comments received on Facebook that:
- contain abusive, obscene, indecent or offensive language, or link to obscene or offensive material
- contain swear words or other sorts of profanity
- are completely removed from the topic of conversation or aren’t relevant to the item posted on the wall
- contain abusive language towards an individual involved in the thread, other organisations or the page administrator
- constitute spam or promote or advertise products, except where it’s for an event, publication or similar item that has direct relevance to the subject of discussion. Information about locating and sharing knowledge and expertise is welcomed, but within the specific discussion
- are designed to cause nuisance to the page administrator or other users
For serious and/or persistent breaches of the moderation policy, we reserve the right to prevent users from posting further comments.
You can get banned from Uber if you receive negative reviews
All it takes is one review and you to make a woman feel uncomfortable.
Some people are offended by microaggressions
Most people don’t intend to be racist, sexist or homophobic, or even consider themselves capable of discrimination or bias.
Yet, researchers say, people often engage with the world around them unaware of the subtle and sometimes unconscious beliefs they hold about difference, including skin color, gender or sexuality.
What Do Microaggressions Look Like?
While microaggressions are generally discussed from the perspective of race and racism any marginalized group in our society may become targets: people of color, women, LGBT persons, those with disabilities, religious minorities, and so on. Some sample microaggressions and their hidden meanings are given below.
• A White man or woman clutches their purse or checks their wallet as a Black or Latino man approaches or passes them. (Hidden message: You and your group are criminals.).
• An Asian American, born and raised in the United States, is complimented for speaking “good English.” (Hidden message: You are not a true American. You are a perpetual foreigner in your own country.)
• A Black couple is seated at a table in the restaurant next to the kitchen despite there being other empty and more desirable tables located at the front. (Hidden message: You are a second-class citizen and undeserving of first-class treatment.)
• An assertive female manager is labeled as a “bitch,” while her male counterpart is described as “a forceful leader.” (Hidden message: Women should be passive and allow men to be the decision makers.)
• A female physician wearing a stethoscope is mistaken as a nurse. (Hidden message: Women should occupy nurturing and not decision-making roles. Women are less capable than men).
• Whistles or catcalls are heard from men as a woman walks down the street. (Hidden message: Your body/appearance is for the enjoyment of men. You are a sex object.)
Sexual Orientation Microaggressions:
• A Young person uses the term “gay” to describe a movie that she didn’t like. (Hidden message: Being gay is associated with negative and undesirable characteristics.)
• A lesbian client in therapy reluctantly discloses her sexual orientation to a straight therapist by stating she is “into women.” The therapist indicates he is not shocked by the disclosure because he once had a client who was “into dogs.” (Hidden message: Same-sex attraction is abnormal and deviant.)
• Two gay men hold hands in public and are told not to flaunt their sexuality. (Hidden message: Same-sex displays of affection are abnormal and offensive. Keep it private and to yourselves.)
Microaggressions can be based upon any group that is marginalized in this society. Religion, disability, and social class may also reflect the manifestation of microaggressions. Some of these examples include the following.
• When bargaining over the price of an item, a store owner says to a customer, “Don’t try to Jew me down.” (Hidden message: Jews are stingy and money-grubbing.)
• A blind man reports that people often raise their voices when speaking to him. He responds by saying, “Please don’t raise your voice; I can hear you perfectly well.” (Hidden message: A person with a disability is defined as lesser in all aspects of physical and mental functioning).
• The outfit worn by a TV reality-show mom is described as “classless and trashy.” (Hidden message: Lower-class people are tasteless and unsophisticated.)
The most detrimental forms of microaggressions are usually delivered by well-intentioned individuals who are unaware that they have engaged in harmful conduct toward a socially devalued group. These everyday occurrences may on the surface appear quite harmless, trivial, or be described as “small slights,” but research indicates they have a powerful impact upon the psychological well-being of marginalized groups and affect their standard of living by creating inequities in health care, education, and employment.
Even if you have no hatred in your heart for a person of color and even if you make the most obsequious gestures of appeasement toward them, you are still hurting them and acting racist toward them because, well, you’re white, and that’s what you people do.
That’s what’s ultimately dangerous about this concept of “microaggresions”—even the demented fanatics who insist that such things actually exist will concede that the perpetrator may not harbor or exhibit any malice whatsoever. They may not even be the least bit conscious that they are being horrid bigots. Under this framework, bigotry is solely in the eyes of the accuser. No matter how pleasant your demeanor or how generously you act, you can still be bludgeoned over the head with baseless accusations of unconscious racism, and your accuser will feel like a good person for doing it.
I can’t imagine the agony of being a person of color on a college campus these days, what with all the microaggressions, microinsults, microinvalidations, microassaults, and especially all the microrape. Why, it’s enough to make a person of color want to drop out of college entirely.
In fact, a recently released study about racial microaggressions seems to blame these invisible, unintentional acts of racism for the relatively high dropout rates and low academic performance among a certain racial group who shall not be named but you can probably guess anyway which is why I don’t feel the need to name them, which I suspect may be my unconscious way of racially microaggressing upon them, which is kinda interesting if you’re able to stop and think about it all without your head exploding.
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The eradication of “hate comments” and harassment
Because of #metoo, the way society is going, there are things that you used to be able to do in the past (around 10-15 years ago and it be accepted or allowed), that you can’t do any more. I can list 68.
- Leaving hate comments (There was a time when you could go on any girl’s YouTube video and find a flock of abusive comments. Do it now and you just get blocked.)
- Being rude in conversation
- Deliberately excluding someone from a conversation or an activity
- Complimenting (feminists think that a compliment is not a compliment, if the person wants something in return)
- Making sexual comments (women don’t like it when you comment on their blog articles, Instagram photos or YouTube videos with something sexual)
- Excessive criticism
- Asking someone out at work
- Blackmail or threats
- Searching someone’s emails, diary, bins or accounts
- Withholding affection
- Rolling your eyes
- Slut shaming
- Victim blaming
- Stalking someone
- Hacking someone’s account
- Destroying property
- Withholding money or food
- Restricting someone’s communications with other people
- Restricting someone’s movements
- Monitoring someone’s time
- Turning up unannounced without permission whenever someone goes somewhere
- Wiretapping someone’s phone or laptop
- Threatening to commit suicide or self harm
- Logging into someone’s accounts without their permission
- Ignoring someone for a timed or indefinite period of time
- Staring at girls boobs
- Doxxing (publishing private information about someone like their real name, address, phone number or photo)
- Publishing revenge porn (porn recorded without the subject’s consent)
- Publishing creepshots (taking a photo of a girl without her permission and uploading it online)
- Replying to a photo with these emojis 😍🥰💋😻
- Using slurs or insults (calling a girl a bitch, slag, sket, prude, ugly, stupid, retarded, crazy. What makes slurs different to insults, is that they relate to someone’s innate identity, like race, gender, disability, religion, etc)
- Asking a girl out on any website or app that is not specifically for dating (a man asked out a girl out on LinkedIn and this caused controversy)
- Giving your honest opinions about religion, politics and sociology (people just get offended nowadays)
- Making jokes or teasing people (people just get offended)
- Standing too close to someone (people just get intimidated)
- Telling someone in authority what to do
- Sending someone kissing and heart emojis 😘💋❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
- Putting your hand on someone in a playful way
- Rating girls, one or several, out of 10
- A manager or employer telling a woman to wear something “presentable” to a party or meeting
- Flirting with someone you don’t know
- Making threats (eg. rape threats, death threats)
- Swatting (sending police to someone’s door over false accusations)
- Sending someone the same message over and over again
- Staring at someone
- Sending dick pics
- Being persistent after a “no”
- Using insults or physical violence after your sexual advances are rejected
- Asking a girl what she’s wearing
- Using pet names, like darling, sweetheart, babe or honey
- Writing a love letter
- Making generalisations
- Borrowing something without asking for it first (this is seen as a microaggression, and not flirting)
- Using superlaratives without being called a bigot
- Throwing paper aeroplanes, paper balls and using paper bombs
- Giving advice to someone about their decision, after they’ve made that decision (this is seen as patronising)
- Kissing or hugging someone without asking for permission (Feminists do not find this romantic. They believe in “affirmative consent”.)
- Saying that you know what you’re talking about because you have experience (this is seen as being patronising)
- Telling someone that they’re overreacting (not that I do this)
- Asking for something in return after doing someone a favour
- Not saying please and thank you (people just get offended)
- Expressing disappointment after someone doesn’t want to talk to you
- Catcalling (Back in the 90s it was socially acceptable for a man to go to the city centre and cold approach women and it wasn’t aggressive. They would write their phone number on the man’s arm with a pen as mobile phones got mainstream adoption in 1998.)
- Asking for nudes
- Telling someone where to go, who they can talk to, and what they can wear
The above list is not exhaustive. They are also examples so I’m not saying that I do all these things.
Social networks now have notices and prompts to prevent bullying, so there can be no doubt about it, that it’s unacceptable.
Instagram is now using artificial intelligence to prevent bullying behaviour.
People are too scared to express their opinions in case they offend someone
In a world where you can have riots because of Milo Yiannopoulos doing a speech at UC Berkley, people are too afraid to express their honest opinions about things, for fear of getting fired from their job, or causing offence. If you give an opinion that someone disagrees with, you will either be seen as a bigot who has no respect for the diverse set of people the planet enhabits, or a heartless person who has no soul.
We have reached a point, where a car advert was banned in the UK   because it showed a woman caring for a baby, where the term “trigger warning”, had to be changed to “content warning”, because the word trigger was triggering. Not just that, clapping was seen as triggering in some audiences, so the clapping got changed to jazz hands. There are PDF’s on the internet that list words from the dictionary that are not allowed to be said, that you can find in any novel from the library.
Do we make the culture, or does the culture make us? If you believe that abuse of any kind is an institution, then you believe that the culture we live in, makes us the abusers we are. What those people fail to realise, is that the media is not an accurate representation of reality. It is not only fiction, it is a grand distortion of the experiences and environment we experience in our day to day lives. I plan on writing a prequel to Familiarity Breaks called Lies, which will be a romance book written in my way, and you wouldn’t be able to use the behaviour there to attract people, because the interactions of fiction bear no basis to reality. All fiction can do is leave an impression, but there are more than enough factors in society, to stop people behaving as if they were starving in a third world country.
In the #metoo era, you have to be very careful about what you say and do, because any little thing can cause offence nowadays! We are living in a post-truth world.
What can you do if you feel disenfranchised?
Some people use the internet to pass the time, some use it to make money, and some use it for escapism. And for some people, all three! In a world where people face poverty, loneliness, abuse and depression; people need to have some sense of purpose and direction in their life. We try so hard to get the life we seek for, but life gives us many challenges.
Everyone has a story, and you can use your story to amplify your voice to help people. Even if you don’t have a lot of followers, simply changing one person’s life, if not your own, can be enough to change other people’s lives in a ripple effect. Don’t think because you don’t have an audience, that your efforts to make an impact on your peers and society will be in vain. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. You just have to know where to look.
Another thing! I see it all the time. People complain about supposedly trash people who their interest waned for whatever reason, and people who don’t deserve the limelight they get. One thing I realise, for most people, is that positive attention is the equivalent of them having an interaction with someone. It sounds crazy but it’s true! If you see someone who you feel doesn’t deserve the attention they get, or you think someone is not the type of person you would be friends with, why when these things happen, and I see it all the time – why do those envious people give them attention??? Stop giving them attention!!! It boggles the mind!
Sometimes ignoring someone can be emotional abuse, depending on the context, but isn’t it better to refrain from bullying people, online and offline? It’s good to help people but try not to do the opposite.
If I know someone isn’t interested or isn’t worth my time, I simply go somewhere else, look for people who’ll accept me, and eventually I’ll find myself with the right people. In 2019, positive attention, even clicking a like button, is the equivalent of you having a one hour conversation with them. So if someone isn’t open towards you, simply stop giving them attention.
I know what it’s like to be bullied as I was bullied in 2 schools by Muslims for being popular and for being a writer for 6 years and I was bullied on Quora for being a professional writer for 5 years. I’ve been bullied for 11 years of my life. Me personally, I don’t like upsetting people or being mean to people. That’s not me. But as someone who makes alt tech, I feel there is no choice but to keep building and creating; for the good of humanity. Do you know what I mean?
It feels like, in 2019, saying nothing, is a better alternative to saying something. If you say nothing, no one will have a problem. But if you say something, loads of people will come out the woodworks to have a problem with you.
When you read someone’s writing, it doesn’t give a clear indication as to what the person is like in real life. If you actually met me, you’ll find that I’m a friendly down to earth relatable person.
Don’t be the person who turns their head around because you want to eavesdrop on someone around you who is on the phone. The power is in your own hands. You could make your life more interesting, if you really wanted to. You just never tried to. The best cure for being around undesirable or out of reach people, is to find new people who accept you. You have to find someone who accept you for who you are, and not get caught up under the rug of loners, however hard that may be.
About this entry
There has and will always be a power imbalance between the sexes, and a hashtag with 1.7 million tweets has made demands of men to follow, which fall beyond the legal framework.
- 18 August 2019 / 8pm
- Social Commentary