Men are lacking authenticity and congruence

danny phantom transformation
I'll polish this up in July

Any man who has done enough internet surfing or interacting with women, would know that women do not like pick up artists. As women claim that they want more men to get laid whilst disavowing pick up artists, one then questions why exactly they don’t like pick up artists.

The classic answer given is that “game” is manipulative, and that one should be themselves. That’s easy to say for the gender that can get laid any time they want no matter their appearance, (and likely with whoever they want if they’re attractive). While a person follows the “be yourself” advice being concurrent and fails due to not understanding women, another person is being the best version of themselves being formulated and getting great success with women. What use is being yourself, if the men who are successful with women, do not act like most people? One thing I do know about women, is that what women say is not what they mean. Women say something and mean something completely different. Women talk in code. So I will try to decode the message they are saying.

I think that when men hear the words “be yourself”, that they think that means to be direct and upfront. But we all know where that leads. If being upfront worked, nobody would use chat up lines, and men would not go on as many dates as they do with so many people, and so subsequently.

I think that when men hear the words “be nice and kind”, that they think that supplicating and bending for a woman will increase her attraction to them. Then they stupidly start thinking that doing the opposite, “being mean and aloof”, will do them wonders. Either they have a degree of solipsism about them, or they spend too much time on the computer or games console with no experience interacting with people in a social environment – because they do not realise that what they think is nice behaviour, is not actually nice behaviour.

Now I will start making my point that I aimed to when I had the idea for my article in mind.

I saw a woman who was complaining that when she went on dates with men, they would ask her what her hobbies are. When she answered, they would always say that they had those hobbies too. Having noticed that the same behavioural patterns keep repeating themselves, she asked them questions about their supposed hobbies, and their answers proved that they knew nothing about the subject. I’ve faced the same behaviour from men when I told them I’m from the UK then they say that they love that country, but cannot say why when I ask them, even though our interactions only have a friendship context.

What is happening is that the men lack authenticity. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes it is good to lie in interactions, sometimes all of us have to tell a white lie to protect someone’s feelings or safety, but that scenario is not one of those times. There is no expectation from her for you to have the same hobbies. You might think that’s not a big deal, but believe me, there are men who will never disagree with a woman, never tell her when she does something wrong, never argue with her, never challenge her – which is how they bend for a woman. Also the same men speak with flowerly language, use excessive pleasantries, and feel the need to “appeal to emotion” every time they want to get something off someone. Such behaviour is associated with controlling behaviour and not respecting autonomy.

I was interacting with different men who were doing behaviour that didn’t feel natural. A conversation should flow naturally and the behaviours people do should feel natural to their psyche, but these men were anything but. I was interacting with a man who appeared to of read too many red pill blogs and forums, as he was trying to use frame on me, even though he’s straight and I’m male, and that we’re already pally with each other. What was happening is that he owed me money for 3 months so I decided to tell him that I wouldn’t do any work with him until he paid me that money, rightfully so. As the money was not a lot of money, he replied wanting me to continue working for him and he would pay the money after. Yes I know he wasn’t lying, but he did not want me to control the terms of an interaction. When he loses control of he interaction he gets mad or anxious. I’ve had men refuse to continue talking to me and then spite me behind my back or get angry because of this too.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t care about frame. I would carry a woman’s handbag if the opportunity occured. It’s just that these men are not confident men, they are shy, they are not socialble, they are asocial, they are not extroverted, they are introverted. These men think that using frame will work because they’ve seen other men do it, but to the familiar eye, these behaviours do not appear natural, they appear synthetic (not natural) and forced as their behaviour or “game” is not in line with their personality. So these men are not congruent. Their behaviour does not match their personality. And not in a jarring way, but in a mishmash way.

Men have done this with other behaviours too. Some men are posers. They claim to be – explicitly or implictly – to be a certain type of person, when they are not that person. Every subculture has its own lingo. Hipsters use the phrases, you probably heaven’t heard of it, come again and jitterbug. Nerds use the phrases, noob, noscopes and filler. Hippies use the phrases, the system, wow and teeny boppers. Dark triad people end sentences with man, use filler words, swear and use deadpan humour. I am an atheist on paper but a christian in spirit. Even though I don’t tick the box for “christian” on the census and job applications, I behave with the christian values in how I treat people. Now what men are doing, is using subculture lingo, without having behaviour or personality that is in line with that subculture. They appear synthetic (not natural) and forced as their behaviour or “game” is not in line with their personality. So these men are not congruent.

What’s even worse is that there are men who will when talking to a woman, talk about how much money they have, how popular they are, their car, their job, their creations or anything else which is supposed to add value to them. Most men who brag to women are men who are single, so it has the opposite effect as the women are now left wondering, if the man is such high stature as he says he is, why is he still single? That was overbearance. It’s not nessacarily a bad thing, but when used to declare high value, it is futile. One does not have to speak of high value to show high value, people who are high value show high value by their presence. Those men are not congruent either.

What men nowadays do not realise, is that you can be yourself and use game. There is one extreme which is being authentic and upfront, and another extreme which is deceitful and incongruent. One can be inbetween. I prefer to say that people should be the best version of themselves. People can use game without lying (within reason), and people can use game without having to break their personality (within reason).

I have never read a pick up artist book to know exactly what they are teaching men about game, but I know that the advice given in those books only accounts for 25-33% of the interaction with a woman. There is no turnkey script or mystery method. There just tools you can utilise, but they are not to be utilised all the time. If you only rely on game techniques taught by pick up artists, then you have already failed. Your own inclination, perspective and syncrasies have to come into play in this. Everything starts with you.

You can be yourself and be using game, not that I use any game techniques published on the internet or in a book. I have my own unique way of talking. It’s so unique or effective that I have been accused of faking my personality or being manipulative by women, when honestly I was not trying to be manipulative and I was not faking my personality in any way. I am a provocative and extroverted person who causes a spectacle wherever I go, good or bad. I could talk about my various successes of my popularity with women here, but this article is not about me, although people do want to know how I interact with women and how popular I am with them – or how I am socially with anyone else or different people for that matter. 😉

Men always talk about how women like bad boys and don’t like nice guys. There is a bit of truth to that, but that’s not entirely true. It’s not that women don’t like nice guys, it’s that women don’t like guys who don’t add anything to their lives.

So that’s all I wanted to say in this article. That nowadays men are lacking authenticity and congruence.