It’s Really Okay To Call Women Complicated – Adept Withstanding

When you get snappier, they get DACUA

Defensive
Apprehensive
Confrontational
Uppity
Affronted

I’m on about both men and women in this quote
I'll polish this up in August

They want to ask me who’s more complicated, men or women? People also get offended when women are claimed to be confusing.

Nobody is claiming or implying that women are inferior, incompetent or subservient

In this world we live in today, there are people who would want to get me cancelled for saying that women are more sensitive than men, as they say it’s a hate crime. If they think that I’m doing any of these things, intentionally or not, then they’re mistaken.

  • Gatekeeping
  • Typecasting
  • Relegating
  • Ring-fencing
  • Infantilising
  • Romanticising
  • Reverse anthropomorphism
  • Neurosexism
  • Claiming that women are more inferior to men for being less capable or more uppity about things

If you think I’m being hyperbolic or exaggerating, like some ad absurdum logical fallacy, then I’m not. It’s not hyperbolic if I can case in point it. However if you don’t know what I mean by above, this article will explain and this one applies to both men and women, so there!

So a woman ate some bagels but didn’t decided to grill it rather than microwave it, after it’d been left out for eight hours. Big whup! What have we got here?

There’s no need to go all David Attenborough about the minutae doctorate! We’re not much different from you, we’re more alike than you think!

no this never happened in real life and i need a better example but the general principle of it, still stands

I think when a man says that women are more sensitive in the workplace, a feminist will interpret that, as them being perceived as having extra neuroticism or hysteria, as if somehow, people victim blame women for the way they feel after being subject to aggression, hostility, harm and offence, rather than the male person who caused it, even if the man was abusive, hostile, standoffish, untactful, tasteless or abrasive.

It all boils down to these two root factors

As I opened this article with, people are asking me if women are more confusing and if so, why? Well in a sentence because they tend to add both an isolonary relational and peer comparative context, onto the sentences that other people speak, though not always when they it.

I don’t believe that I treat men and women much different than each other, hardly any different, well at least not to the point of having to put on some extra social performance around them. If you want to force me to give an answer, about whether women are confusing or if there’s anything different about talking to women, compared to men, without using vague and ambiguous words, then here is all I think to say.

  • Adding a isolonary relative context of self, into the situation
  • Adding a peer comparative context of others, into the situation

I know the liberals want to talk about “gender is a social construct” stuff with typical responses like

  • Men do it too!
  • This is not a woman thing, it’s just your confirmation bias playing tricks on you, which then gets reinforced as it creates a feedback loop. Because if you went and asked most people, not in your little bubble of your own friends, you’d find that most people wouldn’t agree that only (or mostly) women do it.
  • You’re looking into things too much. There’s no need to be too analytical about it. It’s not that overkill.
  • I think you have the effect and the cause the wrong way round. There’s something else that you’re doing, as in how you’re coming across to others, that is causing this but you misattribute it to something else, as you’re not aware of all the behavioural signals that you give off.
  • There’s no need to be walking on eggshells around women. We’re not that sensitive to have other people feel the need to quantify and second-guess every piece of behaviour, so much so often.
  • This is why people don’t take women seriously in the workplace. Because when a woman raises an issue, men just think that she’s added some extra context or layer to it, that wasn’t intentionally or really there.

A priori with an iota to case in point

To keep my argument simple, I’ll go for the path of least resistance by choosing the most reductionist and trivial and petty example. I wouldn’t go for anything too concerning, more like a fraction of a fraction, like a fraction of a lego block. To use an antisocial level of harm, would get both sides of the sociopolitical spectrum with their daggers out, so I’ll avoid doing so, to avoid detracting away from my argument.

And of course those liberals and feminists are going to say that both examples are either not true, or that men do it too, so it’s equal or false. There’s no point in arguing about nature vs nurture type topics as it’s like debating String Theory. Some people believe in infinite universes with the multiple worlds interpretation in an 11 dimension universe. Some people don’t. Some people believe in wavefunctions collapsing from multiple simultaneous possibilities into one. Some people don’t.

From personal experiences of debating people on chat rooms on Discord, debating hypothetical topics using empirical evidence where sources aren’t required, can become counter-productive even without flaming, as the conversation turns into more Set Theory than predictive theories. Take a look!

  1. Facts and figures
  2. Assertion and justification
  3. Reasoning
  4. Rationale (a story to explain the reasoning as an analogy, like an Aesop’s fable)
  5. Set Theory

With refutals like

  • Being accused of conflating or not conflating
  • Being accused of mixing up time periods too far away
  • Being accused of making a false equivalence of two events of varying severity, as if they all fall from the same tree (apples of different sizes)
  • Whether harm exists on a spectrum on a sliding scale or a venn diagram with some things more-so planetarily far away

So let’s move onto the most important point of the article!

Isolonary relational example

Man: You look nice today
Woman: Thank you

The woman then silently and quietly thinks….so I didn’t look as good yesterday?

Or even better….change it to…..”your homework/coursework is good today”

Peer comparative example

Adam: Hello Tynamite. Gimmie five *puts hand out*
Beth: *puts hand out*
Cathy: *puts hand out*

Tynamite: High five’s the people in this order, Adam, Cathy, Beth

Beth: I had my hand out first

That’s all you need to know!

Now if you switched both genders round, would both people react like that, really?

And in case you don’t know

When a woman comes to you with a problem, she doesn’t want a solution, she just wants emotional support.

Something a southener said, surprised me

I was speaking to some woman online and she asked me where I was from, as we were both from the UK. I said I was from Birmingham (in the West Midlands) then “ewww! you’re a northener” she joked. She’s from the South East in some town I’ve never heard of. She said something that was so articulate, that I couldn’t help but to always remember it.

This is the only place where we can be ourselves, around people who understand us, where we don’t have to hide anything about ourselves or be someone we’re not – while we can show all sides of ourselves, the whole spectrum.

If someone else came over here from somewhere else, we don’t hate them and we would be their friend but they don’t and won’t understand us, like us people do.

some southener british woman

I was thinking about whether I prefer to have male or female friends. I don’t really think about such questions but people keep asking me it. What I can say, is that when I was using peer-support mental health apps like Vent and Talk Life, that everyone else I spoke to had anxiety whereas the same couldn’t be said for everyone else I spoke to fleetingly. There must be something about me, that attracts people with anxiety. And I don’t know what it is!

So with that said, when I approach people to make friends, I tend to be gender neutral for both men and women for who I approach. Although collectively women are more annoying than men with men being more daring, on the flip side, my best friends tend to be women so on the micro-scale, I tend to get the most out of friendships from women.

I think after the next heading, should be enough to explain my point. It has a lot to do with men not understanding my typical conversational format and my figurative language.

So yeah, men desperately need to to improve their social skills! See the links at the bottom of the article for related articles to this point.

While not truly scientific, the men on platonic friendship app Slowly, thought my opener was weird and stupid, unlike the women

Imagine having a conversation opener asking someone if they’d prefer to live in a narrowboat or a flat on a busy road that’s above a corner shop. That’s the example. You could then extend the example further by asking them how they’d decorate the small space.

You’re not looking for merely the answer to the question, you’re looking for any ANCILIARY information they will provide in their response that is ADDITIONAL to their answer. It’s just like how Amazon owns IMDB, Goodreads and Twitch which don’t make money, but the serve the purpose of encouraging people to buy stuff like books, video games and movies on Amazon.

  • The person in the first question, they might mention that they’ve got lots of possesions so they couldn’t make them all fit inside
  • They might mention that they’re middle class living in a fancy house in an upmarket or posh area so they wouldn’t want to lose their privileged lifestyle
  • They might mention that they have seasickness so they could never live in a boat, which then implies they’ve been on one so they’ve probably been on holiday
  • The person in the first question, they might mention that they’ve got lots of possesions so they couldn’t make them all fit inside

The other person will respond with some additional information that falls outside the scope of their mere answer that is loosely related that they volunteered to share, most likely without prolonged thought about it. That ancillary information is what you’re looking for, not the mere answer to the question.

Well I don’t use any such opener or format any more on the Slowly app, as I like to come up with something different and expansive all the time, to avoid being cliche or formulaic as if I’m swapping the variable names around.

What a man actually replied to me, who thought my opener was dumb

I need to pay £50 to Zeroheight to gain access to my notes, for what to put here, as it relates to my diary entry below.

World exclusive from my diary

Man I can’t remember writing this from all those years ago! Wow!

I’m not even going to rephrase this or expand on it. I’ll keep the wording intact, how it originally first appeared in my diary. It’s all verbatim!

#1 Women can say one thing and mean another

  • Girl is naked in bed and says i’m not having sex with you, five minutes later you have sex
  • Girl says she’s fine when she’s upset
  • Girl says she doesn’t like you when she does
  • Girl says you can’t touch her when she wants you to
  • Girl asks for feedback on poem then gets upset when someone don’t like it
  • Girl says she needs some time apart and she means permanently
  • Girl solicits male attention then says she doesn’t like the attention
  • Girl tells her man what present she wants for her birthday, then a month later says she doesn’t want anything for her birthday
  • It’s complicated (It’s not complicated, I just don’t want to talk about it)
  • What did you come here for? (I’m not here to chat, let’s keep it professional)
  • I am in class (I can’t talk now)
  • It’s sad but we can’t do anything about that (change the subject)
  • Sorry that I didn’t tell you I was busy (I’m not sorry for not replying)

#2 Women ask men questions which are impossible to answer

These questions are impossible to answer, because if a man gives an honest answer, the chemistry is dead, so he has to come up with a clever answer from his bank of lies.

  • Why do you care?
  • Why did you message me?
  • Why are you talking to me?
  • What do you think of me?
  • Why are you helping me?
  • Do you find me attractive?
  • Should we take a break talking to each other?
  • Do you want to have sex with me?
  • Do you love me?
  • Do you like my poem?
  • Does my bum look big in this?
  • Do you trust me?
  • Why? (you ask her a question and her response is why)

#3 Women expect men to be psychic even though they make mistakes

  • You make a joke that she doesn’t find funny
  • You give an answer that she doesn’t like
  • You use an opener that she doesn’t like
  • You’ve been talking to her for months, and she still wants you to be manipulative
  • You’re married to her and she still wants you to be manipulative
  • You say they can talk about anything with you, but you can’t talk about anything with them
  • You are expected to know how a woman is feeling. They’re not going to tell you
  • They tell you to talk about something else but they make no effort to move the conversation along

#4 Women have no idea the amount of work it takes for men to manipulate them

  • If you “be yourself” like what women tell you to do, they will think you’re boring
  • If you are manipulative you might be told that you’re manipulative
  • If you’re manipulative to them for months, they might want you to continue being manipulative
  • Women think that romance and chemistry “just happens”
  • Because women are passive in conversation, they do not reciprocate.

#5 Men have to look for subtle signals to tell whether the woman is interested in talking to them, because the woman is not going to say it (unless the woman is trying to enter the man’s life, because otherwise she has no choice)

  • If a woman likes talking to someone, they do not say it (most of the time) (unless they are trying to enter your life)
  • Women are passive in communication (unless they’re trying to enter your life)

I believe that I tend to treat men and women the same, there’s no persona being adopted here!

There is no persona, no scripting or social coding, I’m just being me

I don’t particularly act any different to women than I do to men and I also don’t flirt with friends

My podcast is coming soon

Some people will believe that I’ve committed a microaggression or even a hate crime that’s worthy me being cancelled and fired from my job, for saying

Especially this sentence….

Women are more sensitive than men

A comparable and representative example from Sky News in 2013

It’s not a hyperbolic exaggeration, if I can “case in point” it

Conclusion

Further Reading

Miscellaneous articles

  • link one
  • link two
  • link three

Men desperately need to to improve their social skills

  • link one
  • link two
  • link three

Benevolent sexism (towards women) is apparently nowadays patronising

  • link one
  • link two
  • link three

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