For time I’ve been under the correct impression that many people here find me a mysterious person and they can’t figure me out. They can’t put their finger on me. They just want to know what makes me tick. What makes me do the things that I do? I do what I do and I do it because. I am my own person, so I don’t let others control me. But still, I’m still very influenced by the way others do things. But how? Let’s try to figure this out, shall we.
Rather than me post an answer, reblog, tweet, or some art I did, I decided that it would be a good idea to tell you lot about what happened today in my life.
But there is only one caveat.
I will not lie in this entire post, or use tact, or any kind of linguistic nonsense, such as a logical fallacy.
This is the real life happening here, not no real life Tom & Jerry shit.
I’ll keep this post as neutral and straight talking as possible.
Let’s keep this straight, shall we?
======================================================
I believe that you can tell more about someone by what they don’t like, their fears, insecurities, demons; than you can about what they do like.
We all have our demons whether that be music, television, partying, exercise; and once you know them, you can know what makes a person tick and how to guide them into doing something else. The key to having a good life, is fighting our demons, neither red or violet, in my opinion anyway. Let me know what you think.
But you have to know their fears first.
[I’ve put my inner thoughts in italicised square comments.]
======================================================
8:40
Today I took my little brother to school, and when I woke up, I had my mum saying that I hadn’t slept.
“Of
course I’ve slept” I said, and she didn’t believe me and I told her
that I’d slept for 8 hours, “What are you on about? I slept for 8
hours?” [Flippin hell man, why am I being told over this shit? I put
the laptop off my bed before I fell asleep, and I put it on my bed when I
woke up, so I should know that I didn’t just go to sleep like I was hit
with a brick. This ain’t a drunken, I’m so tired when awake shit.]
“There’s no way you can still be up now.”
“But
it’s true. Yesterday I was awake for 6 hours, now I’m up for 8 hours.”
[This was not a lie. She don’t believe me. She should know that I never
sleep, don’t need to sleep, and it’s true. Even my friends outside ask
me whether I sleep]
“Next time I’m taking the laptop off you before you go to sleep.”
[She
ain’t taking my laptop LMAO she never does and hasn’t for weeks. How
can she not understand, that I go to bed later than people, and manage
to wake up earlier than them? I know it don’t make sense, but for me
it’s true.]
…………………………… [Why do I need
to wake up first, if she’s going to do it for me? I would have woken her
up later if she hadn’t of got up. I should have woke her up first. The
next time I wake up before her, I will wake her up, instead of checking
my emails and other important stuff. ……… I’m always checking my
emails. Pricks. Next time I’m waking her up.]
So anyway, I got up and took my little brother to school, and he’s was very well behaved and fine and didn’t cause any trouble. He didn’t even argue like I did. But outside it was a bit cold and I had him walking really slow like he doesn’t want to move. Every day I take him to school and back, he does baby steps like he’s 2 years old, and sometimes spins round and walks towards school by walking backwards [He wants to rebel, because that’s what he does. I know what he’s like. Little kids always want to be like adults and grow up fast. He wants to go school by himself. But he’s too young, even though he’s 11, and he’ll be able to in September in secondary school. I know that he can cross the road fine, but also he has to listen to others. Some days I tell him to walk with me (40%), and some days I let him roam free (60%). Fuck a tiger parenting strategy like I want my kids to be prodigies so Imma shut up and let you finish but I’ll be telling YOU what to do. Also fuck a let’s kick my kids out the house at all hours and don’t let them inside until 7pm after I get home from work. Everything’s inbetween with me. The equilibrium. Neither hot nor cold. My younger brother is neither under strict or lax parenting. He is free to discover the world himself, that way. Anyway, that walking is really stupid him spinning around and walking backwards 0.0001% of the time.]
After that, my feet were getting more cold in these suede shoes.
[Why did he have to take my shoes?] I better walk quick to take my mind off things. After walking, I was feeling better now that I couldn’t feel my feet being cold, but I knew they were cold. [Now I have to go to the Job Centre and sign on. Aaaaah! Also, I didn’t turn up for the assessment appointment 4 weeks ago on the 8th, so they cancelled my money. I’ve applied for it with back-pay today, so I won’t miss out on the weeks I’ve missed out on, if I get accepted that is. Otherwise that’s no money for 16 weeks.]
I’m walking with a very positive mood that is like air freshener in the air as that spins around in the air. I walked in, with my coat on and my hood up like a badman
[Aaah shit, they might not give me the money with my hood up like I’m a lunatic. I ain’t taking it off. I’ve got this, it’s cool.] So after looking at the clock, familiarising myself with my surroundings for the BILLIONTH time, I decided to walk around town by walking to the place where Central Library was, and then going back. It was 9:45 when I got there, and my appointment is for 11:00. [I’ve got another appointment at 11am tomorrow with my doctor where I’ll get myself psychologically assessed. How am I gonna have as much people tell me I’m clever as I am selfish. That don’t make any sense! I agree 100% with what others say about me, but it would also be ignorant to ignore the people I don’t like. I would have to also look at them, at some time, to at least acknowledge their existence, or even say hello. He’s gonna probably tell me I’m fine because I’m clever, but so are autistic people, so there ya go! But autistic people aren’t good at subjective stuff as they’re a true solipsist, and neurotypical aren’t good at objective stuff as they’re a true communicator. But a sociopath/psychopath *same thing* is both. But people tell me I’m stupid all the time, so maybe I am both. I find it amazing how I can call people stupid, and be called stupid a lot myself. Maybe there’s some sort of underlying issues going on there.
Hmm! I wish I was back at uni. I was at uni for 2 years, but I got traumatised there, and for the whole 17 months, from 2 September’s ago, I’ve had amnesia so I would have mental blackouts, so I would forget times and dates. I would either a. lose one of my things b. forget what time it was 3. be late for something and feeling newly weird for it, a new type of something traumatic is being repressed emotion, not a normal “i forgot” kinda late. I only got kicked out for not attending my exams, and attending my resits. I did all my coursework on time. I should have been an adult and apologised straight after missing my exams, rather than to say nothing and have everything to to waste by making the assumption that they’d let me off *after* they’d already made up their mind, 4 WEEKS after the exams. If I’d of only apologised EARLIER and NOT be rude to my faculty officer, I’d be let back in. I can’t live with myself. And even more, I’ve let everyone else down, more than myself. Out of everyone, they thought I was going to be the richest child, and I planned it to be so too. You live and you learn. Also I could have gone to prison 3 times this year, so I need to watch this amnesia and stop being traumatised for what happened 17 months ago. You live and you learn. I need to get well. I could have went back last September, but I want to take a break so I can clear my mind of all amnesias and silliness. I’m getting much better now than what I once was.
I wonder why I haven’t killed myself when other people kill themselves, like Amanda Todd
did when she got bullied. …………. Oh I know! It’s because normal
people when they are depressed, it lasts 24/7 7 days a week like oil
that is cooking on a chip pan. But with me, it’s like popcorn popping
inside a pot.
Now to explain to all the idiots how that feels like.
Prick the narrow end of a fork on your skin 15 times, and then prick the fat end of it on your skin for 15 minutes.
You will find that the blunt banging is more painful, as it’s bigger, and your skin isn’t as pourous.
The last time I cried, it was on Thursday last week when I was watching tv. Mum couldn’t even here it over the tv. How dumb is that? Next time, I hope to leave the house earlier. I could get a job in London tomorrow if I wanted to, as I’m guaranteed a full time job I would love, but I don’t want to love it and lose it quick.
The last time I cried before that, was 2 weeks before that when walking to the shop for some random ass reason that makes no sense. [Nobody understands me. What a stupid reason to cry. Normal people cry after someone else has done something to them, like called them ugly, and it’s that exact thing.
How do I teach someone about the beauty in the world that I see, whilst also truly appreciating theirs? Is this the meaning of life, to grow as people; or are we always meant to get upset like this?]
The last time I ranted at someone scolding them, she instantly felt like she was about to vomit.
The
last time I told someone I didn’t want to tell them why I was kicked
out of uni, over the most dumbest thing, forgetting over AMNESIA *dafuq*
no1 actually hurt me rly, I never wanted to say what it was, and she
thought it was something all dramatic, but it wasn’t. And her wrists
and/or arms were going red. WTF What have I done? I’m damned if I do and
damned if I don’t tell her Catch 22. Plus if I talk about my sadness
now, I’ll get upset, but now I’m happy, and if you tell me something
insulting, I won’t be sad now but I’ll try to get you to stop it.
]
So later on, I got in the Job Centre about 10:15 I think, I signed in, and there were 4 people on the foamy chairs which were stuck together. [I am a 5th person. FIVE people on FOUR chairs. Do you see the dilemma here? I can’t believe this! This is not right! I have no idea why I didn’t ask the girl at the edge of the place to move, I should have said excuse me, but she never moved until about 4 seconds. [That didn’t seem peculiar at the time. People move out the way all the time. I see it on buses and other public transport and in supermarkets where we have trolleys. I only say excuse me if the other person looks vex, and I can tell who looks vex, in an instant.]
I saw Berinderjit there who was from my old school, and he smiled and said and the conversation after me waiting went like this.
“Hey Adisa” he said with an elevated smile.
“Hi Berinderjit” I said smiling, well at least I think I was.
“How have you been doing?”
“Yeah I’m good.” [Quick quick quick! Think of something to say! You’re going to make yourself look like a retard!]
“Are you at uni?”
…….*1 second pause* *Tilt my head to the side for a split second* “Yeah I’m at uni, it’s good.” [Aaaah I can’t tell him I got kicked out of uni, otherwise it’ll make me look bad. I can’t deal with that.]
“What are you doing there?”
“Oh I’ve been doing Computing.”
“What have you been doing?” [He’s still smiling, but from that question onwards, I’m not smiling any more. What is going on?]
“I’ve been doing some stuff to do with logic, and sets, and something to do with algorithms.”
“You’ve got something on your coat?” [My face changed. Where?]
“Oh
it’s behind you” I reacted. “It’s behind you.” He put his arm on the
back of my coat. I was still froze for seemingly no reason at all. “It’s
alright, it doesn’t look bad.”
“Oh, right ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬” [Damn
I didn’t hear a word he said. Well it’s too late now. That conversation
didn’t go well, or maybe it did. I just think it can be easily
recovered. Do I care anymore? No. Now it’s ruined. Maybe if I see him
again another day, but I won’t, but still.]
Now for the interview with the woman
I
can’t remember the whole interview, as although my memory is
photographic, I haven’t got anything to jog my memory right now. But it
went like this
“Hi Adisa.”
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬”
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬”
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬”
“Oh you’ve already got Jobseekers Allowance. Are you reapplying?”
*I move my head to speak*
*She looks at the computer screen for a split seond*
“Have you been looking for jobs?”
*I move my head to speak*
“Oh
you’re reapplying?” *clickety-click of the keys on the computer* “Oh
what happened when you didn’t go to the Job Centre last week. Was it you
was sick, you had some temporary work, or something else?”
*looked
in her eyes* “Oh it was something else.” I said looking into her eyes
with my demonic slash angelic eyes, moving my hands from under the
table, with them making a quick micro-second shake so they go from
straight to a bit slanted, but still kinda straight to any onlookers.
*I’ll just go and get these forms. If you can fill out these………”
*returns
to looking at the four walls, and consuming the posters, signs and
promotional material, paint and whatnot that’s on the walls*
I filled it out, but straight after, she gave me another form which was a small card. [I
could fill it out now, all one time, but then that would look rude.
Easy in, easy out. Can’t be having that. I need to pretend that I’m
looking carefully of the words on the pages, like it’s a photo album,
not an autograph book.]
[Also I have 2 signatures. One of them is my name, which no one in the world can write with my handwriting. The other one is a symbol, that I made up, that anyone in the world can copy. When I was 11, I made up that signature, and I’m not very pleased with it compared to other people’s signatures, but it’ll do. I signed with the symbol signature which is what I use when I like something I’m doing. Otherwise I sign with just my name, as a quiet but clever way to rebel. For the symbol signature, I wrote it with my real name on the 2nd form as I was ecstatic. For the 3rd form, I tried to do my symbol again, and it came out looking a bit wrong, and much less recognisable than the 1st one, I messed that up.]
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬”
“Oh thank you.” I got out my seat nicely, glanced away, then looked at her back out of kindness and left.
[When I left, I was so ecstatic that I got backpay by LYING, that I was really happy and couldn’t contain myself. I had achieved something. I would of loved it if my Mum had believed me earlier when I was being honest, but she couldn’t. That shit winds me up. People on the street must have thought my outburst was mad.]
[I was walking down the canal way back to my house, with thoughts that I couldn’t properly articulate into words. So many things earlier had been going on at once, that I just had to think about them, as I had a lot of observations about my earlier experience, that I had to have my conclusions on, as I couldn’t do anything else. I needed to go on my laptop and finish making my personality test by adding my reasoning onto it for how the test works. Also I need to make 1 hour of music to finish my album and dance music compilation, but that never happens. Something else always pops up in the way so it gets pushed back.]
)zɐʞɔuɟ ʇɐႡʇ әʞɐʇ) ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙ )ɹәuuɐɯ әʇәɹɔuoɔ ɐ u! sәʌႨәsɯәႡʇ pәƃɹәɯә әʌɐႡ sʇႡƃuoႡʇ ʎɯ Ⴈ!ʇuu ,ʇops s!Ⴁʇ ɯoɹɟ әʌoɯ oʇ ƃu!oƃ ʇou ɯ,!) ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙ )ƃu!suɐp poʇs oʇ ƃu!oƃ ɯ,! ʎɐʍ ou s,әɹәႡʇ) ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙ )pәsuɐp ႨႨ!ʇs) ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙ ) ʇsɐp ƃu!ʞႨɐʍ ɯәႡʇ әәs ! uosɐәɹ әɹ!ʇuә ou ɹoɟ ʇәәɹʇs әႡʇ uo ʎႨsuoәuɐʇuops ƃu!ppoʇs opɹ!әʍ ɐ әʞ!Ⴈ ʞooႨ ʇsuɯ ! uɯɐp) ˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙ ¿ʎႨʇɔɐxә ƃu!ʞu!Ⴁʇ ! ɯɐ ʇɐႡʍ ˙ʇႡƃuoႡʇ s!Ⴁʇ ɟo әsuәs әʞɐɯ uɐɔ ! os ,әƃp!ɹq Ⴈɐuɐɔ әႡʇ uo ɯɐ ! әɹәႡʍ poʇs oʇ pәәu ! ˙ɟo әsuәs әʞɐɯ ʇ,uɐɔ ! ʇɐႡʇ pɐәႡ ʎɯ u! ʇႡƃuoႡʇ pɹ!әʍ әɯos ʇoƃ әʌ,! ʍou
That’s better. Now I actually know what I’m thinking. Plus I can now conceive these thoughts into words too. Isn’t that great? ………… wait ………. wait ……… yeah ……… that’s it ……….. I’ve got it. ……. I remember when ……….. I remember when …….. I remember when. YES!
I remember when I was in sixth form when I was 16, and this was this girl called Amandeep, and we were friends but didn’t speak much. …………. I also remember Samuel and Donovan. ………… Wait ………….. [I remember the good memories I had with them lot. Amandeep, Uzma, Raaj, Bobby, Natalie, Emma, Kayleigh, Hayley, Nathan, Yanique, Charlee, Otis, Shannon, Rebecca, Maya, and everyone else I forgot too.
¡¡¡¡¡Ⴁƃɹɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐ әɹoɯʎuɐ ƃu!Ⴁʇʎuɐ op oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇou puɐ ɟɟo ʇ!Ⴁs ʎɯ p!Ⴈɟ ႨႨ!ʍ ! ʎʇ!ɹɐႨuƃu!s ɐ әʞ!Ⴈ sႨәәɟ ʇɐႡʇ u!ɐƃɐ s!Ⴁʇ әʞ!Ⴈ ʇႡƃuoႡʇ ɐ әʌɐႡ oʇ әʌɐႡ ! ɟ! ႨႨәႡ ƃu!ʞɔuɟ
Well I am confident, but I’m not assertive. I cannot assert my way into things. I’m not a good sales person, but I’m a good liar. I’m better at lying than I am being honest. I’m a compulsive liar, but I don’t lie all the time. However I lie all the time, as I’m always accidentally, ahem, inadvertently hurting people’s feelings. It feels like I’m the powerful giant in the room and I’m either too dangerous or too nice, ut I know when I’m doing it, and I don’t at the same time [[[[—–and everything else I need to add here, I cannot explain.——-]]]]]
BANG!
I’ve got it.
I remember when Amandeep, the person who liked me the most, used to ask me what I was thinking when I was staring into space. I used to tell her “Nothing” as my thoughts were too complicated to put into words. It would bore her head off. Normal people, everyone else can explain what they feel in a few words and it sounds basic. People like me, I explain myself, and most times I feel that not everyone gets it, or even if I’m just with one person who is my friend. Aaaaargh!
*this is the point where i start having a little laugh, and people around him see him laughing at what looks like nothing, thinking that he’s mad*
I need to breathe. I need to breathe. I need to breathe.
I’m ready. I’ve got it.
*one breath* *two breaths* *three breaths*
[I’ve got it. I’m done. I can explain myself properly now.]
*now I look slightly happier*
[I remember the test I saw a couple of months ago with an empty box, that they use to test you for autism. Also I remember the pencil test when I was 3 or 4 years old. A man or woman, I can’t remember, held a pencil in front of his face and my face whilst we were in close proximity to each other, and he would ask me where it was.]
*silence*
*i look happier now*
There was this test that they use to test for autism, I’m not quite sure what the results mean, as I’m not 100% qualified to diagnose myself, especially as I’ve only started thinking this, but my thoughts have improved by each year that goes on. My blog about my life when it started out, used to be written badly on purpose with deliberate spelling mistakes and grammar to be funny, but it got more serious as time went on, but still quirky. This is going on my blog. Also teenagers have hormones, and I want to know if this is just that, or something else, because maybe all this thinking should have stopped ages ago.
There was this test I did on my Comptuting course in uni, it was for a 120CT internal exam I find hard because I hate circuits because they have logic in them. The question went like this.
Out of …….
AND
XAND
OR
XORWhat is the opposite of XOR?
After 10 minutes of thinking, leaving the question last, because I wasn’t taught the answer to it, I got the answer wrong.
Damn I had to wrap that shit round my head, like when Missy Elliott got her thang down, flipped it and reversed it – like in Work It.
There was this test that they use for autism, how it works is that one person have two black boxes and they open the lid of the 1st one, and after the other person sees that it’s empty, they ask the other person what’s inside the other one. If they say nothing to the 2nd box, that person is autistic. …………. I would say nothing.
Am I sure that I’m not normal, and that this is the truth …….. Yep!
Let me break this down.
So if both boxes are black, and the first one has nothing —–> I reply nothing
So if both boxes are black, and the first one has snakes —–> I reply snakes
So if both boxes are colourful, and the first one has nothing —–> I reply I don’t know
So if both boxes are black, and the first one has nothing —–> I reply I don’t know
Now why would I do this?
Because black and white, are such plain colours, plain as in the box is completely one colour, I mean. Now if the box is only 1 colour, whatever is in the 1st box, if that is nothing, must be in the other box. However, if the box is multicoloured and there is nothing inside that box, then I’ll reply I don’t know.
If a plain thing is inside a plain thing, I say that “I know” to the 2nd one.
If a fancy thing is inside a fancy thing, I say that “I know” to the 2nd one.
If a fancy thing is inside a plain thing (or vice versa), I say I don’t know to the 2nd one – as I consider it a TASTE MISMATCH
…………………
Hmm
…………………
That was part 1 of my twisted logic. Now for part two.
The Pencil Test
Here’s how it works.
Let’s imagine that me and you are facing each other, really close, so close that we can see into each others eyes.
Then what happens.
Scenario 1, you ask me where the pencil is, but you are holding it as it’s in your posession
Where’s the pencil?
There
Where?
There!
Where?
There in front of you, can’t you see it?
Scenario 2, you ask me where the pencil is, but I am holding it, NOT you because I’m holding it.
Where’s the pencil?
There
Where?
There!
Where?
*Then I grab the pencil out of my hand with my other hand, and use that hand to give it to you*
Why couldn’t you just give it me?
I don’t know
The way I use prepositions is completely weird.
So that’s the 2 tests done.
THAT IS SOME FUCKED UP LOGIC! THAT IS SOME FUCKED UP LOGIC RIGHT THERE. THAT’S FUCKRIES!
Do you know anyone on tv who acts like this? Have you ever seen someone on tv who acts like that? ………. Someone who makes assumptions when a plain thing is in a complex thing? ……….. No! I’ve never seen it. Never have I seen it in my life. Why do only I do it?
Why is it, that I’m the only one who acts like I do, with my fucked up logic?
And then after I say something, my friends call me funny. Do they mean that in a good or bad way? Aaaaaargh! I can see them smiling, so all is good right? I don’t know what to think any more. They call me clever, so all is good right? …………. Well people do like intelligence don’t they? ……………. WHY AM I GETTING MIXED MESSAGES FROM THE SAME PEOPLE????????? Oh and what else? Sometimes girls say I’m cute wtf.
[“When you insult him, he starts smiling”. …… *insert a memory of my brother insulting me, and then me smiling here.] “I don’t get why he does it.
“I”M NOT HAPPY” I say.
“Yes you are, stop hiding it.” *now he is smiling at me.
*tries to stop smiling but it doesn’t work, so i only end up hiding it and then my smile only ends up bigger
[I do not thin that many people know that insulting me makes me happy. And I don’t know why. I like to argue and I like to be in the right. But I also like to to be patient and complacent as well. I don’t get it.]
When I get home I’m probably going to start crying. I’m not even sad, but I keep crying all the time every couple of weeks or days, for seemingly no reason but I know the reason, that I’m alone, but I’ve got all these people around me who say they love me, so what do I do?
FAST FORWARD TO SCHOOL
I get to school and my little brother is being stupid by having a strop because he’s upset and he’s sat on the chair looking all sad and he won’t get up. Why won’t he get up?
……………………………………………….
[I’m bored of waiting now. Waiting is taking all bloody day. I’m upset and I need to channel my emotion into something constructive.]
*walks round the chairs of 5 people, twice, saying “You do know that Mum’s not in the house……..*2nd cycle*…………. so you cannot speak to her about what’s going on. You have to wait until she gets back.
………………………………………………..
——–> we in the house <———-
“Don’t go upstairs because I need to type out how I feel on my blog.”
“I wasn’t going to go upstairs you idiot why would you tell me that?
[Why’s
everyone so contentious and confrontational? Confrontation in this
house, my direction being lost outside the house. I hate this primodial
soup! Anti-matter and matter banging together and destroying its
surroundings. So much for quiet! Catch 22. I prefer it outside where
it’s quiet, with my friends, but sometimes I have to leave them. If I
could find non-confrontational people who like to talk
I would be happy for once. People must think I’m one of those
sleazebags who can’t stay in close relationships. There’s a beauty that I
see, that I hope that someone else sees. And not everyone understands
everything I say. So what’s the point.]
In this post I give you everything.
WTF! I’VE DONE THAT SHIT AGAIN! NOW HE THINKS THAT I DON’T CARE ABOUT HIM! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo………….._________
15:50
And then I walked home. Hmm I didn’t say anything to him while going home except for him to hurry up before he got to the busy main road that a person dies on every year.
Now what do I do now? I need to post about this on my blog because I’m really sad. Hmm it’s silent.
“Don’t go in mum’s room because I’m going to post on my blog because I’m sad.”
……………….”WHY would I want to go UPstairrrrrsssss! I don’t even want to go upstairs. I’m going to the front room to watch tv.”
[Aaah my little brother’s such a prick for being rude. Why’s he telling me about going upstairs, I only told him to leave me alone because I’m sad.]
OH SHIT I’VE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! I KEEP DOING STUPID THINGS EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is why I hate the world. Because nobody sees the world the way I do. Why doesn’t someone understand? There IS such a thing as an UPSTAIRS and it DOES exist because I CAN SEE the enterance to UPSTAIRS at the same time as I am positioned DOWNSTAIRS right next to you.
[My younger brother can fuck off. I’m done trying to make him be kind. Right now my -older- brother who knows that I’m moody -not everyone else knows- doesn’t know why I’m acting like this. I know why I’m acting like this, but you don’t because I’ve got no one to appreciate this world with.]
I see such beauty in the world, and when I try to show someone this “beauty” they just don’t see it.
So
what am I supposed to do? They say they see it, but when I ask them
what the differences are between two things, not one of them say the
same thing as me. I know that I like people to be different than each
other, as our differences unite us, but there is no one who is the same
either.
*mum calls my name*
ARGHHH FLIPPING HELL MAN!
“What do you want?”
“Get here” said nicely
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬” *mum talking some shit about her boyfriend”
“Good” I say in the moodiest tone.
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬” *mum talking some shit about her boyfriend”
“Good” I say in the moodiest tone.
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬” *mum talking some shit about her boyfriend”
“Good” I say in the moodiest tone.
“ôüÒýRå¼µå¥éºŸå†‰æ¦†å¹³·¨¶vÚ¬” *mum talking some shit about her boyfriend”
“Good” I say in the moodiest tone.
“You
have to say something better than good. It’s not good because it’s
infantile and it makes you look like a child” *mum talking some shit
about her boyfriend”
“Good” I say in the moodiest tone BUT THIS TIME I HAVE A SMILE!!!!!!!
———> i go back upstairs to work on posting how sad i was and how much i hate my life, onto my blog. maybe the quora people can help me out by sharing what they think of it, too. before i was too sad to post on it when i was going to post something really sad on it, but now i’m better so i’m posting it on now. <——–
———> get called again <——–
“yyyadisayyy get the door, you’ve got the keys!” *shouting downstairs*
“yes i KNOW I’ve got the door, I’m coming downstairs” *WHILST walking downstairs”
*getting my key from under my t-shirt*
“Why are you taking all day to get the keys, the door’s right in front of you.”
*now i stop moving* “I was getting the door. Can’t you see I’m right in front of it?” [MUM’S TREATING ME LIKE SHIT AGAIN!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!]
**opens the door**
**i say hello to him**
I don’t like him he’s always breaking my FUCKING things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**goes back upstairs to finish this really long blog post about how sad i am and how much i hate my life**
**he comes upstairs**
“Can I have the laptop please?”
*i turn my head to him* “No. Why? Can’t you go on MY laptop?”
“No. I want to go on THAT one.”
[Why does my laptop have to be faster. I wish my laptop was slower, then he could have THAT one. Arghhhhh! Flipping hell man.]
17:41 has passed
17:45 has begun
I’m ready to publish this post and post it on Quora, as I can’t be bothered (as it usually goes in my real blog that nobody knows exists as my real name ain’t on it), as my younger brother is shouting at my youngest brother and he’s always going close up in his face giving him no personal space, and being violent. He doesn’t deserve it. I would hit him myself for being the only on in the house causing £1000+ damage, but I can’t be bothered as mum told me I’m not allowed to hit him, and she would probably call the police if i did, unless he was violent first and hitting mum first. How selfish! I want to him him now. He needs to leave the house. He already got arrested yesterday. When is he going to get arrested again.
Also I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow to see if something’s wrong with the way that I think, 11am tomorrow on Wednesday. I’m getting so many mixed messages.
17:47 ADDING ITALICS FOR THE SQUARE BRACKETS
17:50 TRANSMISSION COMPLETE
All is well, and well is all. I’m much happier now. I love you all, and what’s more, in general, I am more happy than I’ve ever been, my whole life.
Thank you all for helping me go through therapy, even if you don’t know it. I’m not a hateful person.
If I have the whole world back to front, I will literally flip my shit off.
Calm down. Everyone says they love me, and even though people ask me how I know what they’re thinking, I’m not fine though and not crying every second of the day when they ask me.
PS. How the hell do I get from a logic question in Computing, to Missy Elliott? I’m bloody nuts, and I mean that in a good way.
PPS. I like being politically incorrect, but I don’t like to push people to their extremes. Chutzpah!
